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being too hard on yourself means..

You’ve got a bunch of loud voices in your head telling you that you are failing.

And you keep trying to prove them wrong.

(Though some of you keep trying to prove them right.)

The voices are yelling at you and you are yelling back.

This is not an environment for joyful creativity.

Here’s the thing: you cannot win an argument.


Hear that again: You.Cannot.Win.An.Argument.

Not with yourself. Not with anyone.

So how do you get out of this endless cycle of

vicious self-criticism
impossibly high standards
the hamster wheel of doing-doing-doing and yet not feeling like you’re getting anything done?

There’s only one way out.

There’s only one way to stop the madness.

To break the pattern.

It’s death.

(Doesn’t that sound fun? Aren’t you glad we’re having this conversation? But stick with me.)

Ego death.

It is your ego that keeps yelling

“not good enough”
“too fat, too old”
“no one cares”
“no one will buy that”
“you can’t get a better job”
“you are a failure”
“if you succeed no one will like you”
“who do you think you are, anyway?”

It is your ego that convinces you that

no real rest or pleasure

are signs of a worthwhile, serious person.

You think that being too hard on yourself is, somehow, a good thing. It means you are a responsible person.

But the Divine has other ideas.

The Divine says,

Hello, darling.
You look wonderful.

And then the Divine sits there, quietly, loving us.

Now you have two choices.

You can run from the Divine
(which the ego insists you MUST DO RIGHT NOW)


You can loosen your white-knuckled grip
take a deep belly breath
and curl up next to the Divine, feeling her generosity,
her love for you,
her glimpse of eternity.

Sitting with the Divine, you see how fragile the world is

how fleeting

and how the illusion of time holds no power.

(If you knew you had all eternity, wouldn’t you just sit for a moment and take in the view?)

Rest in God.

(Oh, did I say, “God”? I meant, “Love.” Or maybe I meant, “The Divine” or “The Universe” or “The Ocean” or “Your True Self.”)

Right now.
Regardless of circumstance.

Hear the voice of the one who loves you best saying,

“Oh, beloved…you are unfolding as perfectly as a peony in spring. Your only task is to be here now. Breathe. Trust the process.”

Need help?

Gaze into the eyes of your favorite animal, and feel their benevolent indifference to your bank account.

Or hold a sleeping baby, and feel their unearned confidence in your lovability.

God is the ocean; you are the wave.

You are the ocean; you are the wave.

I bet if you took 2 seconds every hour to remember one of these calming thoughts about eternity, you would see your life start to transform


Try it.

As an experiment, OK?

And let me know how it goes for you, yes?

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